what is the origin of the word hippopotamus?

do you ever get worried you’re going to see your boyfriend in the missed connections section of craigslist?

why do people put stickers with dates on them on their cars? it only makes your vehicle look that much older, “Bush/Cheney ’04”

unwrapping a bad gift is like getting a surprise party that no one cool bothered to attend

how did college kids get the rep of eating pizza all the time? we eat subs/sandwiches all the time…there are more sub places than pizza places.

why is it not appropriate to say russia is creepy? i mean, getting offed by the government is creepy, so it should become socially acceptable to say so.

on second thought… are you ever scared of finding yourself in a w4w (or if you’re male, m4m) missed connection on craigslist? i’d like to think i don’t come off like that…

why, when they invented DVDs, did they make them so easily scratchable? if you were going to invent a new format damn at least make it a little more resistant

digital tv conversion is forcing old people to accept technology which they will never be able to figure out… just like their jitterbug cell phone and their new-fangled life alert wristwatches

ikea sells shitty, shitty meatballs but forces you to accept them as tasty because they are foreign and you are buying 17 three-pronged forks for $4… so IKEA must be great. (don’t take this the wrong way, my dear IKEA, i still love you like no other)

it turns out that when you talk to someone all day, your prime communication on IM later is :), :* or <3. (i still love you though, dear)

hey rugged wearhouse, who makes a piggy bank from which you can never get your money? bull crap!

i won’t join google’s video feature because god knows what i’d be doing if someone started a video chat with me. like what if you just spilled ice cream down your shirt and your face is chocolaty and a coworker says hey? no freakin way

beer reminds me of tree bark, the mold in lever’s bathrooms and the odor coming out of the used towel hamper at the gym. sorry beer lovers.

group interviews are just a way to gauge how much you hate other people, or how competitive you are. most people i know would not have a job if they had to group interview.

sierra mist is like sprite’s sad little emo cousin. pale, weak and without flair.

50% of people’s refrigerator magnets come from the phone book or next to the cash register at a local business… i don’t know half the businesses on my magnets

speaking of phone books, i’ve gotten 4 different ones since i’ve been in this apartment (8 months)… how very strange.

oh, I guess i can admit that i steal the free maps from this one particular rest stop in georgia… every time i’m there. number 81, with the cold granite bench and the pee-smelling stalls–carnesville, ga. 18 miles from the state line. (if you ever visit this rest stop, you will know exactly what i am talking about.)

f my life is like so made up. because every other one is about how someone’s parent walked in on them having sex. how about a real one: Today, I found out I have terminal brain cancer. FML…. other than real FMLs, no one cares that your dad walked in on you when you were screaming so loud that your mom texted you to shut up and your grandma saw you naked because you left your clothes outside and ruined your cell phone and your second cousin joined facebook and spread hate rumors about you. gosh.

clemson university is the biggest waste of money i will ever be so unfortunate as to have to pay. buying that licensed brand name on my diploma, baby!

doesn’t everyone know like all 17 praise songs ever written in the early 90s?

waiting on on-demand to load has wasted more seconds of my life than the toaster has. wow.